People, your friend's wedding is not your chance to get drunk as a skunk and act a fool. I've never understood why people feel the need to drink so much at weddings. Nothing good has ever come from too much alcohol. Let me tell you about what happens with too much alcohol. Girls trip in their heels, men fight with their friends, and parents embarrass their children. I love when my clients tell me that they're sure their guests won't get drunk on just beer and wine. I once had the cutest, petite lady falling down, quite literally, drunk by 7:00. Simply from wine. Then there were the parents that once the baby was asleep in the stroller, went a little crazy. To the point where I looked over in time to catch the wife sitting on top of a table, falling backwards into a very large centerpiece, spilling candles and water everywhere. I of course was there in an instant cleaning if up before a fire started or worse, the bride saw it. ;-) Assuring the woman that no one saw and that it happens all the time. It doesn't. Drunk guests start complaining about everything. The music, where the heaters are placed, the fact that the party is ending. They start requesting ridiculous songs and then get mad at the DJ when they don't play them. Drunk family members are the best! I once had a grandmother giving a most touching toast to the bride and groom. And then... at the end of her toast she said, referring to the older and unmarried brother, "Don't worry, you'll get married soon. Someone is out there for you." It was mortifying.
The absolute worst thing I have ever witnessed, I am proud to say, DID NOT happen at one of my weddings. I was helping a caterer friend of mine at a wedding manage his staff. It was the end of the night, he had gone home and it was myself and 2 wait staff. All of a sudden one of the wait staff came up to me and said: "They're fighting at the bar." I thought he was joking. Well I should have known we were headed for disaster, the wait staff had been clearing stacks of shot glasses. Yes, the wedding planner had allowed a full open bar for over 6 hours. I say 'allowed,' because I would NEVER do that. If a client of mine insisted on that much alcohol, I would walk. I don't want my name associated with what could happen. This is your wedding, but it's my business and my reputation. This wedding ended with the police, a fire truck, ambulance, the bride in tears, her mother screaming and the venue owner bloodied and in the hospital. Later, myself and the wait staff even had to give our story to the police.
Some Advice:
Brides, Grooms and Guests: Eat plenty that day. Especially breads and anything that absorbs alcohol. Drink plenty of water!!! Most of my weddings are outside in high heat. I cannot stress the importance of water.
Guests: Give yourself a 2 or 3 drink maximum. You'll thank yourself later when you see the wedding photos or video. Save it for the after party. You can let loose at the bar after the wedding.
Brides and Grooms: Don't feel the need to supply your guests with an endless amount of alcohol for the entire night. I would never have a full hosted bar for the entire night. Host a cocktail hour or two and then switch to beer and wine. People drink slower on their dime. Always have shuttles or taxis available, someone will need them. And the best advice for brides and grooms, don't drink too much on your wedding day. You want to enjoy your wedding night, don't you?
June 30, 2010
June 29, 2010
The Guestzilla ~ Part 1: The Omniscient Guest
I've heard a lot of people, mainly in the TV industry, refer to some brides as 'bridezillas.' There's even an entire show dedicated to it. I for one, in 9 years, have never crossed paths with a bridezilla. I have met many other 'zillas' in my day and will try to blog about them all. I have decided to start with... "The Guestzilla." Da da da! In my experience, it takes one bad guest to cause a scene or dampen your wedding day. What's the expression? "One bad apple..." So true. I have so many great experiences with guestzillas that I've decided to make this a multi part post.
We'll start with: "The Omniscient Guest." This is the guest who knows so much more than anyone else at the wedding, including all of the wedding professionals. Everything you're about to read has happen to me at one of my weddings. ;-)
Guests, let me assure you that EVERY detail at a wedding has a purpose and has been thought out. Some advice, please don't switch seats at dinner when we've gone to the trouble to assign you a seat. That cute little card with your name on it, please don't put it in your purse until after the meal. Wonder why your name is in one color and your husband's in another? It denotes your entrée choice. If you start moving things around it affects the flow of dinner. The bride and groom have taken so much time and put a ton of thought in to where you are sitting at their wedding. It's just for an hour. Be an adult, and sit where you are told.
No, you cannot move the tables with the 50 pound centerpieces closer together to make one big table. I had a wedding where to my horror I had guests trying to do just this. Really? You can't sit 8 feet away from your friends? It's just for dinner!
Never try to grab a microphone out of the hand of the DJ or Wedding Planner. We're not going to hand over the mic to a drunk person. Or a sober person for that matter. Let the MC make the announcements.
Don't interrupt the wedding planner during a most busy time and ask for explanations as to why this or that is happening. What am I supposed to say? We don't have a coffee station because your friends didn't spring for it, or think it necessary in the 90 degree heat? She's not dancing with her father because he's estranged and was lucky to have even been invited? There's no alcohol because the groom is an alcoholic? Let it be. Just be happy and have a good time.
Lastly, please don't tell me what you did at your wedding, your friend's wedding or your sister's wedding. To be blunt, I don't care. This isn't your wedding and we're doing it the bride's way. Not to mention, I have one or two weddings under my belt, this isn't my first rodeo. ;-)
Stay tuned for Part 2 of my Guestzilla series "The Drunk Guest."
We'll start with: "The Omniscient Guest." This is the guest who knows so much more than anyone else at the wedding, including all of the wedding professionals. Everything you're about to read has happen to me at one of my weddings. ;-)
Guests, let me assure you that EVERY detail at a wedding has a purpose and has been thought out. Some advice, please don't switch seats at dinner when we've gone to the trouble to assign you a seat. That cute little card with your name on it, please don't put it in your purse until after the meal. Wonder why your name is in one color and your husband's in another? It denotes your entrée choice. If you start moving things around it affects the flow of dinner. The bride and groom have taken so much time and put a ton of thought in to where you are sitting at their wedding. It's just for an hour. Be an adult, and sit where you are told. No, you cannot move the tables with the 50 pound centerpieces closer together to make one big table. I had a wedding where to my horror I had guests trying to do just this. Really? You can't sit 8 feet away from your friends? It's just for dinner!
Never try to grab a microphone out of the hand of the DJ or Wedding Planner. We're not going to hand over the mic to a drunk person. Or a sober person for that matter. Let the MC make the announcements.
Don't interrupt the wedding planner during a most busy time and ask for explanations as to why this or that is happening. What am I supposed to say? We don't have a coffee station because your friends didn't spring for it, or think it necessary in the 90 degree heat? She's not dancing with her father because he's estranged and was lucky to have even been invited? There's no alcohol because the groom is an alcoholic? Let it be. Just be happy and have a good time.
Lastly, please don't tell me what you did at your wedding, your friend's wedding or your sister's wedding. To be blunt, I don't care. This isn't your wedding and we're doing it the bride's way. Not to mention, I have one or two weddings under my belt, this isn't my first rodeo. ;-)
Stay tuned for Part 2 of my Guestzilla series "The Drunk Guest."
June 22, 2010
Ask A Planner: Family Feud
Hello Wed Heads! Today's question comes from a high school friend of mine, Danielle. She wants to know how I deal with feuding family members at weddings.
You would think that people would put aside their differences for their loved one's special day, but no. I recently had a horrible, estranged mother of the groom call the grandmother (who raised the groom) a b***h! At the wedding! She couldn't keep it together for one night. I of course also have had the: "I won't sit next to him, I won't take a picture with her." I say get over it people! We are adults, please act like it. All in all most of the family members at my weddings are very gracious and try to avoid all drama. As a planner, I PLAN for it as well.
During the year before their wedding, the couple and I will create a detailed 'family tree' if you will, that only I see. It shows me who is divorced, remarried, which family members aren't speaking, who won't sit together, who won't pose in pictures with this person, etc... The couple and I go over this very carefully during the planning of the wedding. This helps me so much. It avoids me asking estranged parents to walk down the aisle or pose for a picture together. Speaking of which, family photographs can be a touchy time for feuding family members. I avoid hurt feelings by having a list of photo groupings so no one is ever left out or asked to do something they aren't comfortable with. This is one of the reasons photographers love me! They have enough on their plates without worrying about family drama. I deal with the drama so they can 'focus' on creating beautiful photographs. (Sorry for the pun.) ;-)
My advice if you are a feuding family member: Please don't wait until the wedding day to talk to the bride and groom about your concerns. If you don't want to take pictures or sit with someone else, please tell them during the year of their wedding planning. DON'T wait until the happy day. They will appreciate being able to deal with it ahead of time. All that being said, only immediate family members should ever make such a request.
My advice for brides and grooms with feuding family members: Don't think they will behave at your wedding. Expect the worst and deal with it ahead of time. Ask your divorced parents if they are comfortable taking pictures together, or sitting together. Talk with your wedding planner and let her know about any drama there is. Let your photographer know the groupings you want and tell them not to deviate from the list. Plan ahead, you won't be sorry.
You would think that people would put aside their differences for their loved one's special day, but no. I recently had a horrible, estranged mother of the groom call the grandmother (who raised the groom) a b***h! At the wedding! She couldn't keep it together for one night. I of course also have had the: "I won't sit next to him, I won't take a picture with her." I say get over it people! We are adults, please act like it. All in all most of the family members at my weddings are very gracious and try to avoid all drama. As a planner, I PLAN for it as well.
During the year before their wedding, the couple and I will create a detailed 'family tree' if you will, that only I see. It shows me who is divorced, remarried, which family members aren't speaking, who won't sit together, who won't pose in pictures with this person, etc... The couple and I go over this very carefully during the planning of the wedding. This helps me so much. It avoids me asking estranged parents to walk down the aisle or pose for a picture together. Speaking of which, family photographs can be a touchy time for feuding family members. I avoid hurt feelings by having a list of photo groupings so no one is ever left out or asked to do something they aren't comfortable with. This is one of the reasons photographers love me! They have enough on their plates without worrying about family drama. I deal with the drama so they can 'focus' on creating beautiful photographs. (Sorry for the pun.) ;-)
My advice if you are a feuding family member: Please don't wait until the wedding day to talk to the bride and groom about your concerns. If you don't want to take pictures or sit with someone else, please tell them during the year of their wedding planning. DON'T wait until the happy day. They will appreciate being able to deal with it ahead of time. All that being said, only immediate family members should ever make such a request.
My advice for brides and grooms with feuding family members: Don't think they will behave at your wedding. Expect the worst and deal with it ahead of time. Ask your divorced parents if they are comfortable taking pictures together, or sitting together. Talk with your wedding planner and let her know about any drama there is. Let your photographer know the groupings you want and tell them not to deviate from the list. Plan ahead, you won't be sorry.
June 18, 2010
Ask A Planner
I asked for wedding/event related questions on my facebook page, and my fans didn't disappoint.
Nicky wanted to know about bridal shops in Santa Barbara County. First, I wouldn't limit myself to the county you are in. You are so close to LA and San Francisco, do some research and maybe plan a little trip to do some shopping. As far as Santa Barbara goes, I've got a great tip for you Nicky. A dear friend of mine, Mercedes Trump, owns Beautiful Boutique at 2009 Chapala Street in Santa Barbara. Mercedes is nationally known for her expertise on wedding gowns. She will be a wealth of information, I would stumble in to her boutique. (They are closed Sunday and Monday.) And a little side note, I am proud to say that I am named after her beautiful daughter, Angelique. ;-)
Next Janie Skelton, who manages the Grand Chenier Ranch in San Miguel asked why so many brides think it will be okay to simply appoint a friend or relative as wedding planner. Well I'm so glad you asked Janie. ;-) Anyone who thinks they can simply plan and execute a wedding NEVER has. There is a reason myself and many other people are able to make this a full time job. Not to mention the experience a wedding planner has. Do you think my weddings when I first started out are in the same league as they are now? No way! I've grown, I've learned, and most importantly I've experienced. I know what to do when confronted with any issue, I know how to deal with other vendors and anticipate their needs, I know the laws and regulations, I know how guests would like to be treated at an event, I know how to put on and throw amazing successful weddings and events, because I have done so for the past 9 years. What about contacts? Does your family member/friend have the owner of the rental company's cell phone number. Do they know every DJ in the county so that when the horrible DJ the bride insisted on hiring doesn't have the right equipment they can call someone to bail them out? Most importantly, does your family member/friend have the experience that a professional would. No they don't. The venue is the one who usually suffers in this scenario. An inexperienced wedding planner could be more trouble than not having one at all. Even if you have a capable family member/friend (I of course have planned a friend's wedding) do you want to do that to your family member/friend? That person isn't going to get to celebrate with you because they will be working like crazy. Whenever I hear a bride say their mom or best friend is their 'wedding planner,' I always say: "Why, do you hate them?"
And finally, Dustin wanted to know how much champagne a bride and groom should typically buy for their wedding. Great question Dustin! First, are you serving champagne for the toasts only, or do you plan on serving it all night? Most couples opt to only serve it during the toasts, so if that is the case I usually recommend 1 bottle per table of 8 people. Keeping in mind that you just pour a half a glass or so for the toasts. People seem to be happy with this. Of course, have a few bottles extra and have experienced wait staff pouring the glasses. They will know how much to pour to make the bottle go around the table. If you want to be able to really supply your guests with champagne then account for 1.5 bottles per table of 8 or 2 glasses per guest.
Great questions everyone! I hope I was helpful, thanks and keep them coming!
Nicky wanted to know about bridal shops in Santa Barbara County. First, I wouldn't limit myself to the county you are in. You are so close to LA and San Francisco, do some research and maybe plan a little trip to do some shopping. As far as Santa Barbara goes, I've got a great tip for you Nicky. A dear friend of mine, Mercedes Trump, owns Beautiful Boutique at 2009 Chapala Street in Santa Barbara. Mercedes is nationally known for her expertise on wedding gowns. She will be a wealth of information, I would stumble in to her boutique. (They are closed Sunday and Monday.) And a little side note, I am proud to say that I am named after her beautiful daughter, Angelique. ;-)
Next Janie Skelton, who manages the Grand Chenier Ranch in San Miguel asked why so many brides think it will be okay to simply appoint a friend or relative as wedding planner. Well I'm so glad you asked Janie. ;-) Anyone who thinks they can simply plan and execute a wedding NEVER has. There is a reason myself and many other people are able to make this a full time job. Not to mention the experience a wedding planner has. Do you think my weddings when I first started out are in the same league as they are now? No way! I've grown, I've learned, and most importantly I've experienced. I know what to do when confronted with any issue, I know how to deal with other vendors and anticipate their needs, I know the laws and regulations, I know how guests would like to be treated at an event, I know how to put on and throw amazing successful weddings and events, because I have done so for the past 9 years. What about contacts? Does your family member/friend have the owner of the rental company's cell phone number. Do they know every DJ in the county so that when the horrible DJ the bride insisted on hiring doesn't have the right equipment they can call someone to bail them out? Most importantly, does your family member/friend have the experience that a professional would. No they don't. The venue is the one who usually suffers in this scenario. An inexperienced wedding planner could be more trouble than not having one at all. Even if you have a capable family member/friend (I of course have planned a friend's wedding) do you want to do that to your family member/friend? That person isn't going to get to celebrate with you because they will be working like crazy. Whenever I hear a bride say their mom or best friend is their 'wedding planner,' I always say: "Why, do you hate them?"
And finally, Dustin wanted to know how much champagne a bride and groom should typically buy for their wedding. Great question Dustin! First, are you serving champagne for the toasts only, or do you plan on serving it all night? Most couples opt to only serve it during the toasts, so if that is the case I usually recommend 1 bottle per table of 8 people. Keeping in mind that you just pour a half a glass or so for the toasts. People seem to be happy with this. Of course, have a few bottles extra and have experienced wait staff pouring the glasses. They will know how much to pour to make the bottle go around the table. If you want to be able to really supply your guests with champagne then account for 1.5 bottles per table of 8 or 2 glasses per guest.
Great questions everyone! I hope I was helpful, thanks and keep them coming!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)